Sex, Sexuality, Association and Reproduction
Submitted by Hermit Barber on Mon, 2008-12-22 12:41
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Illustration Frontspiece from "Street Arabs and Gutter Snipes", Needham, Geo C., 1884 One should always be in love; that is the reason one should never marry. ~Oscar Wilde
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. ~Oscar Wilde The one charm about marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. ~Oscar Wilde How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. ~Oscar Wilde The Niagara Falls is simply a vast amount of water going the wrong way over some unnecessary rocks; the sight of that waterfall must be one of the earliest and keenest disappointments in American married life. ~Oscar Wilde A man can be happy with any woman, so long as he does not love her. ~Oscar Wilde The happiness of a married man depends on the people he has not married. ~Oscar Wilde The husbands of very beautiful women usually belong to the criminal classes. ~Oscar Wilde London if full of women who trust their husbands; one can always recognise them because they look so thoroughly happy. ~Oscar Wilde Twenty years of romance makes a woman look like a ruin; twenty years of marriage makes her look like a public building. ~Oscar Wilde The three women I have most admired are Queen Victoria, Sarah Bernhardt, and Lillie Langtry. The first had great dignity, the second a lovely voice, and the third a perfect figure; I would have married any one of them with the greatest pleasure. ~Oscar Wilde The only real tragedy in a woman's life is that her past is always her lover, and the future is invariably her husband. ~Oscar Wilde In married life, three is company, two is none. ~Oscar Wilde The proper basis for a marriage is mutual misunderstanding. ~Oscar Wilde There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman; it's a thing that no married man knows anything about. ~Oscar Wilde When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband; when a man marries again; it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck, men risk theirs. ~Oscar Wilde I have always been of the opinion that a man about to get married should know either everything or nothing. ~Oscar Wilde Men marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. ~Oscar Wilde Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same. ~Oscar Wilde How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being. ~Oscar Wilde Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. ~H.L. Mencken, A Book of Burlesques, 1916 I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. ~George Bernard Shaw Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. ~Anne Taylor Fleming Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night. ~Paul Hornung Divorce: The past tense of marriage. ~Author Unknown Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. ~Katherine Hepburn In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. ~Robert Anderson,Solitaire & Double Solitaire There is no such cozy combination as man and wife. ~Menander It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being. ~Benjamin Disraeli The sum which two married people owe to one another defies calculation. It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ~Phyllis Diller, Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints, 1966 An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit. ~Pliny the Younger, Letters If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing. ~W. Somerset Maugham After the chills and fever of love, how nice is the 98.6º of marriage! ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship. ~Iris Murdoch English Law prohibits a man from marrying his mother-in-law. This is our idea of useless legislation. ~Author Unknown Matrimony is a process by which a grocer acquired an account the florist had. ~Francis Rodman Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose. ~Beverley Nichols Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is. ~Author Unknown All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. ~Raymond Hull As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent. ~Socrates Never feel remorse for what you have thought about your wife; she has thought much worse things about you. ~Jean Rostand, Le Mariage, 1927 Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences. ~Isadora Duncan When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. ~G.B. Shaw, Getting Married, 1908 Here's to matrimony, the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented! ~Heinrich Heine The reason for much matrimony is patrimony. ~Ogden Nash I figure that the degree of difficulty in combining two lives ranks somewhere between rerouting a hurricane and finding a parking place in downtown Manhattan. ~Claire Cloninger, "When the Glass Slipper Doesn't Fit and the Silver Spoon is in Someone Else's Mouth" A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, Journals Marriage: that I call the will of two to create the one who is more than those who created it. ~Friedrich Nietzsche Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. ~Author Unknown Though marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves 'em still two fools. ~William Congreve Marriage ceremony: an incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family. ~O.C. Ogilvie A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor One should never know too precisely whom one has married. ~Friedrich Nietzsche Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. ~Author Unknown Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity. ~Author Unknown Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it. ~Gene Perret Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. ~Mae West My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said. ~Author Unknown I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~Max Kauffman Don't smother each other. No one can grow in shade. ~Leo Buscaglia Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. ~James C. Dobson I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all. ~Lord Byron The chief reason why marriage is rarely a success is that it is contracted while the partners are insane. ~Joseph Collins We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It's called love. ~Gene Perret It takes a loose rein to keep a marriage tight. ~John Stevenson Mistress: something between a mister and a mattress. ~Author Unknown Mother-in-law: a woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. ~Author Unknown Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie. ~Author Unknown Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs. ~Author Unknown Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. ~Stephen Leacock, Literary Lapses, 1910 The most dangerous food is wedding cake. ~American Proverb Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition. ~Samuel Pepys Home cooking: where many a man thinks his wife is. ~Author Unknown Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary Marriage is not a word - it is a sentence. ~Author Unknown Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition - with the possible exception of closet space. ~Gene Perret There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first. ~Adela Rogers St. Johns When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ~Sacha Guitry, Elles et toi, 1948; It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others. ~Helen Rowland, Violets and Vinegar Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. ~Marlene Dietrich Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman. ~Joseph Joubert Never strike your wife - even with a flower. ~Hindu Proverb The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character. ~Peter Devries The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. ~Brendan Behan So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three. ~Alexandre Dumas, fils Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins. ~Langdon Mitchell Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect behind her. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911 If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie? ~Author Unknown What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility. ~George Levinger Love-matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar. ~Countess of Blessington Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage. ~Sydney J. Harris The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt him. ~Leo J. Burke You can never be happily married to another until you get a divorce from yourself. Successful marriage demands a certain death to self. ~Jerry McCant Married life teaches one invaluable lesson: to think of things far enough ahead not to say them. ~Jefferson Machamer It's easy to understand love at first sight, but how do we explain love after two people have been looking at each other for years? ~Author Unknown The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. ~Honore de Balzac, The Physiology of Marriage Never marry for money. Ye'll borrow it cheaper. ~Scottish Proverb Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. ~Henny Youngman It's a nasty divorce when they can't agree on how to divvy up the His and Hers towels. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast. ~Gabriel García Márquez She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook. ~Tommy Manville By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~Socrates A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~Ruth Bell Graham Pity all newlyweds. She cooks something nice for him, and he brings her flowers, and they kiss and think: How easy marriage is. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 One man's folly is another man's wife. ~Helen Rowland Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't; men hope women won't change but they do. ~Bettina Arndt, Private Lives, 1986 Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. ~English Proverb Wedlock is the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise lounge. ~Mrs Patrick Campbell Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him. ~Marilyn Monroe A perfect marriage is one in which "I'm sorry" is said just often enough. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 Marriage must constantly fight against a monster which devours everything: routine. ~Honore de Balzac Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. ~H.L. Mencken Many marriages are simply working partnerships between businessmen and housekeepers. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married. ~Kin Hubbard Two mothers-in-law. ~Lord John Russell, on being asked what he would consider a proper punishment for bigamy Though women are angels, yet wedlock's the devil. ~Byron, Hours of Idleness A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing. ~Joey Adams A question asked in a Surrey school exam went: "Why do cocks crow early every morning?" A twelve-year-old replied: "My dad says they have to make the most of it while the hens are asleep." ~Quoted in the Peterborough Daily Telegraph, 1983 A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. ~H.L. Mencken Marriage is a meal where the soup is better than the dessert. ~Austin O'Malley
Most wives think of their husbands as bumbling braggarts with whom they happen to be in love. ~Jackie Gleason For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked. ~Bill Cosby, Love and Marriage I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. ~Lyndon B. Johnson Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a strictly private intention. ~Ian Hay Some marriages break up, and some do not, and in our world you can usually explain the former better than the latter. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966 My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit. ~Jerry Hall The marriage state, with or without the affection suitable to it, is the completest image of Heaven and Hell we are capable of receiving in this life. ~Richard Steele,The Spectator Adultery is the application of democracy to love. ~Henry Louis Mencken, "Sententiae," A Book of Burlesques, 1920 A dog is much like a married man, obeying his master's voice for the sake of his master's touch. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join. ~Elbert Hubbard In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In the later years, you fight because you do. ~Joan Didion Marriage isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce. ~Larry Gelbart, M*A*S*H, "Bulletin Board," original airdate 14 January 1975, spoken by the character Frank Burns When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. ~Helen Rowland In the long run wives are to be paid in a peculiar coin - consideration for their feelings. As it usually turns out this is an enormous, unthinkable inflation few men will remit, or if they will, only with a sense of being overcharged. ~Elizabeth Hardwick, Seduction and Betrayal, 1974 Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. ~Helen Rowland Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left. ~Jean Kerr, Mary, Mary, 1960 Marriage changes passion - suddenly you're in bed with a relative. ~Author Unknown It is not marriage that fails; it is people that fail. All that marriage does is to show people up. ~Harry Emerson Fosdick A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers. ~Grace Hansen The view that a peptic ulcer may be the hole in a man's stomach through which he crawls to escape from his wife has fairly wide acceptance. ~John Allan Dalrymple Anderson Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. ~Charles Caleb Colton I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out. ~Lee Grant Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid. ~Harlan Miller
A love that lasts for twenty years may be better than love, but it isn't love. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966 God created sex. Priests created marriage. ~Voltaire To avoid mistakes and regrets, always consult your wife before engaging in a flirtation. ~E.W. Howe The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ~Henny Youngman Marriage is a mistake every man should make. ~George Jessel I guess walking slow getting married is because it gives you time to maybe change your mind. ~Virginia Cary Hudson, O Ye Jigs & Juleps, 1962 A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted. ~Helen Rowland My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't. ~Author Unknown Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them. ~Ogden Nash One thing you learn in a long marriage is how many sneezes to wait before saying, "Bless you." ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor The concern that some women show at the absence of their husbands, does not arise from their not seeing them and being with them, but from their apprehension that their husbands are enjoying pleasures in which they do not participate, and which, from their being at a distance, they have not the power of interrupting. ~Michel de Montaigne But married once, a man is stak'd or pown'd, and cannot graze beyond his own hedge. ~Philip Massinger, Fatal Dowry, 1632 Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. ~François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't? Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator. ~Author Unknown I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night. ~Marie Corelli Women seem to be all right on bargains till it comes to picking out a husband. ~Kin Hubbard After a few years of marriage, a man can look right at a woman without seeing her - and a woman can see right through a man without looking at him. ~Helen Rowland Why get married? For human beings, marriage is such an unnatural state. If you want monogamy, it has been said, you should marry a swan. ~Quentin Crisp, "The Art of Celibacy" Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage." ~Herbert Spencer A woman ought to look up to her husband, if only a half-inch. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 A woman who loves her husband is merely paying her bills. A woman who loves her lover gives alms to the poor. ~Paul-Jean Toulet Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966 Give up all hope of peace so long as your mother-in-law is alive. ~Juvenal,Satires We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. ~Nick Faldo Men never know how tired they are till their wives sit them down for a nice long talk. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 The reason they're called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled - it's just the opposite! ~Walter Winchell
Originally marriage meant the sale of a woman by one man to another; now most women sell themselves though they have no intention of delivering the goods listed in the bill of sale. ~Robert Graves If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse - as a man shoots himself. ~H.L. Mencken My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I'm not enjoying it. ~Lee Trevino
"What's for dinner?" is the only question many husbands ask their wives, and the only one to which they care about the answer. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966 Most marriages can survive "better or worse." The tester is all the years of "exactly the same." ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages. ~Barry Goldwater People do not marry people, not real ones anyway; they marry what they think the person is; they marry illusions and images. The exciting adventure of marriage is finding out who the partner really is. ~James L. Framo, "Explorations in Marital & Family Therapy" Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. ~H.L. Mencken
No man expects a great deal from marriage. He is quite satisfied if his wife is a good cook, a good valet, an attentive audience, and a patient nurse. ~Author Unknown
Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse. ~Arthur Baer I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. ~Lewis Grizzard There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage. ~Martin Luther But then, so few marriages are good. ~Meshed Gears Alimony - The ransom that the happy pay to the devil. ~H.L. Mencken, "Sententiae," A Book of Burlesques, 1920 If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. ~Author Unknown Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. ~Noel Coward, 1956 Thus Dante's motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage: "Ye who enter here leave all hope behind." ~Emma Goldman, Marriage and Love Wasn't marriage, like life, unstimulating and unprofitable and somewhat empty when too well ordered and protected and guarded. Wasn't it finer, more splendid, more nourishing, when it was, like life itself, a mixture of the sordid and the magnificent; of mud and stars; of earth and flowers; of love and hate and laughter and tears and ugliness and beauty and hurt. ~Edna Ferber, Show Boat, 1926 "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? ~Author Unknown Affairs are just as disillusioning as marriage, and much less restful. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966 Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness. ~Virginie des Rieux, Epigrams Wedlock is a padlock. ~John Ray, English Proverbs The marriage of convenience has this to recommend it: we are better judges of convenience than we are of love. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. ~Samuel Lichtenberg The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once. ~H.V. Prochnow Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole. ~John Mortimer, The Trials of Rumpole One of the best things about marriage is that it gets young people to bed at a decent hour. ~M.M. Musselman Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. ~Irwin Corey If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. ~Katharine Houghton Hepburn The total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution. ~Bertrand Russell, Marriage and Morals Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful molder of human destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that poor little State- and church-begotten weed, marriage? ~Emma Goldman, Marriage and Love What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960 Between a man and his wife nothing ought to rule but love. ~William Penn On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. ~Emma Goldman, Marriage and Love Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. ~Billy Connolly Marriage is nature's way of ensuring that a woman picks up some mothering experience before she has her first child. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night. ~St. Jerome,Attack on Jovinian [M]y mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot. ~Armistead Maupin, Tales of the City, 1978 The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous; the way to lose him is to keep him a little more jealous. ~H.L. Mencken A great poet has seldom sung of lawfully wedded happiness, but of free and secret love; and in this respect, too the time is coming when there will no longer be one standard of morality for poetry and another for life. To anyone tender of conscience, the ties formed by a free connection are stronger than the legal ones. ~Ellen Key, quoted by Sprading in Liberty and the Great Libertarians Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing. ~Duane Dewel Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. ~Rita Rudner Then marriage may be said to be past in all quietnesse, when the wife is blind, and the husband deafe. ~Thomas Heywood, "Dialogues" Come, let's be a comfortable couple and take care of each other! How glad we shall be, that we have somebody we are fond of always, to talk to and sit with. ~Charles Dickens A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. ~Michel de Montaigne, Essays Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot. ~Minnie Pearl Love is grand; divorce a hundred grand. ~Author Unknown It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time. ~Balzac, Physiologie du mariage, 1829 A single man has not nearly the value he would have in a state of union. He is an incomplete animal. He resembles the odd half of a pair of scissors. ~Benjamin Franklin And when will there be an end of marrying? I suppose, when there is an end of living! ~Tertullian The surest way to be alone is to get married. ~Gloria Steinem [W]hen you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. ~Robert Frost I never even believed in divorce until after I got married. ~Diane Ford Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do, and I gave the common-sensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage. ~Gloria Steinem Courtship to marriage is as a very witty prologue to a very dull play. ~William Congreve, The Old Bachelor, 1693 If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books. ~Alan King They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake. ~Alexander Pope, The Wife of Bath, 1713 Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up. ~Evelyn Hendrickson When the one man loves the one woman and the one woman loves the one man, the very angels desert heaven and come and sit in that house and sing for joy. ~The Brahma Sutras This was easy to write and impossible to disprove as it hasn't happened yet. ~Meshed Gears Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. ~Author Unknown If you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. ~Anton Chekov The Wedding March always reminds me of the music played when soldiers go into battle. ~Heinrich Heine The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. ~Cher If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. ~Kin Hubbard Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out, and such as are out wish to get in? ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, Representative Men, 1850 When a man opens the car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. ~Prince Philip You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding. ~Jim, age 10 It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble. ~Kenny, age 7, when asked if it's better to be single or married Marriage is a bribe to make the housekeeper think she's a householder. ~Thornton Wilder No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single. ~H.L. Mencken Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance. ~Michel de Montaigne I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage, and guarantee he'd be dead within the year. ~Bette Davis Men should keep their eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. ~Madeleine de Scudery Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. ~Josh Billings Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. ~Groucho Marx Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? ~Barbra Streisand No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married. ~Benjamin Disraeli In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar, a custom which is still continued. ~Helen Rowland, Reflections of a Bachelor Girl, 1909 He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of. ~Mae West The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep. ~A.P. Herbert Never get married in college; it's hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you've already made one mistake. ~Elbert Hubbard |
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